The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online

Comments

1. LT in L.A. says:

   March 23, 2010 at 6:25 pm

   Ms. Spira’s book is a MUST READ FOR ONLINE DATERS. There are various books out there about online dating. Some of them are very mechanical, others purely anectdotal. This book seems to have the best of both. The Perils of Cyber-Dating does a great job of not only discussing how to navigate the online dating world, but also shares the joy and heartaches that people will experience in dating in general.

   The author is extremely brave: her candor is so “out there” that you can’t help but feel vicariously her ups and downs as she sifts through the myraid of dating profiles. These personal stories and episodes really “tell it like it is” for those of us who are trying to find love in an Internet world.

   As a guy, I came away with lots of insights about how to write a profile that will attract more responses from women. I also learned about what kind of things you don’t want to put into a profile. In addition, I found the book to be very helpful with guidance on handling the first 2-3 dates with someone who you meet online.

   Indeed, the book discussed a great deal about dating etiquette in the 21st Century. In some ways, this books shows that many of rules or “best practices” about dating have not changed. On the other hand, the book also spells out the “new kinds of behavior” that are acceptable, and well as inappropriate conduct, in today’s high tech world.

   I found the book to be well written. It is well paced: there are just enough relevant details to keep you turning the pages. Moreover, she does an excellent job of laying out the theme or message of a particular chapter or episode within a chapter, by selecting the appropriate amount of detail. Unlike other “tell all” books, Ms. Spira does not bury you or overwhelm you with petty or irrelevant facts.

   What really makes the book credible and authentic is the fact that Ms. Spira really tells her stories from the heart without embellishment or exaggeration. Some of her stories reflect great pain, and/or great humor. Some have something in between. This authenticity creates a book that is very believeable, and allows the reader to come away with “real life” insights that can be applied to his/her own online dating efforts.

   In addition to baring her soul and talking about her mistakes, Ms. Spira also talks about triumphs or positive experiences that give the reader hope of finding true love in Cyberspace. In that respect it is a balanced, well thought out book.

   Rating: 5 / 5
2. Diana Kirschner says:

   March 23, 2010 at 6:26 pm

   This book is a fantastic journey that takes you through the jungle of online dating adventures!!! It reads like an entertaining and fun novel, and teaches you along the way. Julie dishes like she is your best friend, as she takes you into the heart of her vast dating experiences. Definitely pick it up!
   Rating: 5 / 5
3. C. Hampton says:

   March 23, 2010 at 9:12 pm

   The only positive thing I can say about this book is that, mercifully, it is very short. Had it been longer, I might have wanted to put my head in the oven rather than finish it.

   For starters the book is misnamed. There is little you can learn from this to help you avoid ‘the perils of cyber-dating’. Far from educational, it is merely a retelling of mostly boring dates and a few ill fated relationships. There is no plot, no drama, no epiphanies, no moral to the story, and sadly, no good laughs either.

   Of course, I wasn’t expecting anything particularly deep, but I had hoped for insight into a woman’s mind and to be entertained along the way. I got little of the former and none of the latter

   The one thing I did learn is that women (like us men) can be arbitrary and capricious. The author has practically made a career out of dating, yet rarely goes on a second date and rejects man after man for no particular reason. Before you’re halfway through the book it becomes abundantly clear that the author loves the idea of a man better than real men, and unless a mirror should somehow spring to life she will never be able to be committed to a real live person complete with faults.

   She is also proud of the fact that she has never had a one night stand. She seems to consider that quite virtuous of her and that no doubt is why she felt compelled to include it in her book, as if we should all congratulate her on her virtue. She even goes so far as to tell a story that reminds me of the old saying “I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken”. In that story she was on vacation, and it was the only time in her life that she ever went to bed with a man for what she thought would be casual sex, but she ended up in a 3 year monogamous relationship with the man. I have no doubt that the story is true, she strikes me as an honest person who tells her stories exactly as they happened rather than taking creative license, and I respect her for her journalistic integrity. What I don’t understand is why she thinks I should respect her for never having had a one night stand. The book is completely sexless, which I find odd for a book with this title. If sex isn’t perilous enough, and important enough to be addressed in a book called ‘the perils of cyber dating’, what is? In fact, after reading the story about the `boy next door’ who she describes in glowing terms, and moves very slowly with (from what we know from the book, it was a long time before they even held hands), the nice guy with whom she had a great deal in common, ended up getting dumped because he had a dog she was allergic too. I felt sorry for him. Contrast that to her treatment of the `Latin Lover’ bad boy. She continued to go out with him although it was pretty obvious he was cheating on her. When she finally had proof he was cheating she broke off the relationship, but continued to have occasional trysts with him nonetheless. Ms. Spira has proven yet again that nice guys do finish last, which is not a new concept, but I must thank Ms. Spira for driving home the one and only important lesson in her book.

   In her acknowledgments she describes this as a `juicy tell-all’. I’d call it a meatless memoir, devoid of sex, completely without passion, going into no detail regarding how to handle common dating problems, no emotions, really nothing at all but glossed over stories of meeting people and then passing on each other for no good reason other than a subscription to the fantasy that maybe the next person will be even better. In my opinion, the idea that you can toss everyone away because you’re always one personal ad away from an inbox full of email from potential suitors may be the greatest peril of cyber-dating. At some point, you should grow up and think less about finding some fantasy person, and replace those thoughts with an attempt to BE the right person.
   Rating: 1 / 5
4. M. Smith says:

   March 23, 2010 at 9:29 pm

   Julie has brought together a collection of personal experiences that resonate with all in today’s single world. Her breezy, yet intimate delivery is easy to read and pulls you through the text effortlessly. The journey winds through experiences of joy and disappointment without whining and cynicism. She reflects honestly on her relationships with pitch-perfect tone. A must read for anyone dipping their toes into the not-so-still yet inviting waters of cyber romance.
   Rating: 5 / 5
5. Katrina says:

   March 23, 2010 at 11:08 pm

   Julie Spira gives an entertaining account of her online dating experiences. In addition to the funny stories, she intertwines online dating etiquette. This is a fun book, and worth the read!
   Rating: 5 / 5